As I approach my 37th birthday on June 27, I find myself reflecting on this decade—a time that I once thought would be filled with milestones and achievements, but instead often feels like an emotional rollercoaster. Each year comes with its challenges, and this year feels particularly daunting. It’s as if I’ve reached a crossroads: if certain dreams don’t materialize by now, will they ever?
I know that many people preach the power of positive thinking, urging us to believe that our thoughts shape our reality. Yet, I find myself wrestling with overwhelming feelings of doubt and uncertainty. The dreams I once held dear—finding a partner who truly complements me, starting a family, and living a life that feels fulfilling—seem increasingly elusive. It’s not that I’m not trying; I am. I have my rituals, I put in the effort, and I strive to cultivate the life I desire. But as the days turn into months, and the months into years, I can’t shake the feeling that if my dreams haven’t come to fruition yet, they might never.
Every day, I wake up and put one foot in front of the other. I try to embrace the present moment, accepting what life throws my way without chasing after it too aggressively. I’ve learned to appreciate the small blessings that come my way, yet there’s still this nagging sense of waiting—waiting for something big to happen that will affirm my journey thus far. I find myself questioning if I’ve been forgotten, if my dreams are too far out of reach.
Surrounded by people, I often feel profoundly alone. It’s a paradox I’ve come to know well: you can be in a crowd and still feel isolated. Many of the connections I have seem superficial, as though they exist on a transactional basis. People seek to gain something from me, yet I find myself longing for deeper, more meaningful relationships—those that nourish the soul rather than drain it. The friendships I’ve cultivated often feel more like acquaintanceships, where the exchange is one-sided, leaving me feeling depleted.
In this moment of vulnerability, I’m reminded of the importance of authenticity. It’s okay to feel overwhelmed, to feel like life isn’t unfolding as we had hoped. It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings and give ourselves grace. While I strive to trust in a larger plan, I also recognize that it’s valid to question that plan, to wonder if I’m on the right path.
Perhaps this is the lesson of my 30s: that sometimes, it’s not about reaching a destination but about navigating the journey. I may not have all the answers or the clarity I seek, but I’m learning to lean into the discomfort, to explore the depths of my emotions, and to embrace the uncertainty that life presents.
As I look ahead, I remain hopeful—hopeful that the big moments will come, that the connections I yearn for will blossom, and that I will find the courage to keep moving forward, even when the road feels unclear. Life has a way of surprising us, and while I may feel lost at times, I hold onto the belief that I am still on my journey, and my story is far from over.
